I am still not free from this curse, God has not answered this prayer of mine.

He's answered my prayers before, so why not this one?

This horrible thing that I cannot control despite my best efforts, this sinful thing.

I really do give up, 8 years of tears I cannot do anything about it, God wont even do anything about it even though it hurts him as it does me.

I tried, I really really really did.

Despite this I wont worry, I'll do my best not to, but there will always be a shadow of shame following me as long this corrupted part of me exists.

The spider near the gap between the window & air conditioner died

For some reason my mp3 player decided to stop working,

then it started working again, but a majority of the files got corrupted
(so glad I already have all the music files I want on it saved on my computer)

Yeah really love it when a piece of technology suddenly stops working or loses quality for literally no discernible reason that I can't understand.

I have no clue what just happened today.

earlier today I felt that I should move my room up into the attic

(which was previously my sisters room)

took half the day, needed help from my parents, we didn't move everything up there only my bed & computer.

But, all of this was YESTERDAY I am writing this at NIGHT because after a few bug bites & not being able to fall asleep so I decided to move it ALL back down.

what shocks me is that I was able to move it all back down without help from my parents, like my mattress is HEAVY & BIG

& yeah I did pray while I moved all my stuff back but I'm still shocked & confused at myself.

I was sitting outside & I spotted a caterpillar.

My eyes were glued to this little guy the entire duration I was out there,
at some point he climbed to the side of the house, & was slowly walking towards a spider web.
When he reached it the spider tried to attack him, but he was too hairy for the spider to take a bite.

So as he was spooked by this encounter, he walked the opposite way, which lead towards the porch, which also had a spider web.

When he reached this one, the spider tried attacking but gave up after 1 second.

As the caterpillar marched on, he fell off the spiders web & dropped into some leaf litter.

Much to learn from this brave caterpillar!

I hate summer

im not nautical enough

I feel like sharing some pics of some rain world arenas I've been working on & off on

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Yep, all multiscreen, & I plan on making 5 more,
just thought about sharing the ones I finished.

I had 2 dreams last night,
1st was about this spirit that possessed my old fox plush named foxy

(real plush & real name, I was an incredibly creative child...)

& this spirit was a girl spirit (despite foxy being a guy) & made herself human with a human body, & then my parents walked in & got mad at me for hiding a girl.

2nd was about me literally getting attacked by a lion for a few seconds.

Wanna know which dream my brain considered a nightmare? the girl one it was the girl one.

I guess its just a common thing where if I dream about foxy its a nightmare,

because as a child I used to have a recurring nightmare about foxy getting lost in a sea of other foxy's but with button eyes & I'd never find him.

(there was also almost always a large shipping container?)

this happened so much that when I got older I could recognize it was a nightmare, & then I essentially said to myself "nah screw that" & then I dreamed about something else.

The problem I've been dealing with (& I will keep making it vague as to what the problem is but you can probably guess) now finally has a solution to it, & thats because of another problem I've had long ago that works as a parallel.

For all my life I've had a problem with my throat where I'd randomly start choking on food & it was incredibly annoying.

At some point when I got older, I thought I was meant to have this issue as some sort of "built-in-penance" similar to having a missing limb, so I thought that if I got rid of it... IDK what I thought would happen I just thought God gave me this issue for a reason,

but my parents didn't want me to suffer with this so they made me take surgery to have my throat stretched,

& nothing else happened to me, I'm now able to live a life without choking on food at random.

Now do I realize that the problem I'm dealing with now is the same as the one with my throat but with a slight difference,

I thought this problem was placed infront of me to overcome, but after years of trying, with few success but many failures, I'm putting my hands up in the air & saying "I give up!"

The solution to my years long endeavor was simply to ask God to take it away from me & lift me from this curse,

BUT that is to be discovered next month to see if God has answered my prayer...